Ah what a time to be alive. Thursday night is coming up and you all know what that means. More lopsided football delivered to you by Roger Goodell and Co. The 10-1 Dallas Cowboys will be traveling to the offensively inept 6-5 Minnesota Vikings. Last year the Vikings beat the Cowboys 28 to 14 but that was against a weak Cowboys team trying to figure out how to get Greg Hardy’s woman beating skills to show up on game day. The Vikings also had Adrian Peterson and Teddy Bridgewater, pre-Marcus Lattimore injury.
The Vikings’ defense is ranked top 10 in points allowed and yards allowed BUT they are ranked 15th against the run. What do the Cowboys do well? Run the ball. The Cowboys are currently ranked 2nd in the league with a rushing average of 157.3 per game with the bulk coming from Mr. Crop Top himself, Ezekiel Elliott. People out there are saying “Ah, Ezekiel is just a product of that offensive line” and that may be but who gives a shit. This Dallas offense is explosive and exciting to watch. Can the defense hold up when it needs to? Maybe. Is Dez Bryant a little bitch? Absolutely. Does Jerry Jones still get a boner for Darren McFadden? Signs point to yes. But who cares about all of that when you have two rooks going ham every week.
Now over to the Vikings’ offen….. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry I dozed off for a moment. Thinking about the Vikings’ offense makes me want to watch Rocky V. The same Rocky movie that portrayed one of my childhood heroes as nothing more than a mumbling husk. He mumbled before but wasn’t entirely incompetent until Drago beat his brains in. Did you hear that Adrian? He did it. He developed CTE just so he could afford to buy Paulie another sex robot.
Now back to the matter at hand, this Viking’s offense is pure ass. The bad kind of ass too. Total yards = dead last. This can be expected whenever your team is suffering from the injury bug. At this point, the Vikings offensive line is made up of actual Vikings from the History Channel show of the same name. To be honest I think I might go catch up on some Vikings episodes after the Cowboys proceed to butt fuck the Vikings.
Wilson’s Pick: Cowboys by 13